I started slow. How do you even stand up on this thing?! I tried again…and again…finally I got it! Not fast, but I could maneuver around the living room couch and then the loveseat. Just lean forward that makes it go. This isn’t so bad…it’s kind of fun. I repeated the scenario several times then I headed for the kitchen. I’ll make a quick trip around the island and back to the couch. Wait! There are carpets on the floor…no problem. That was my last thought before I fell off the hover board on my behind, then as if in slow motion fell back on both elbows, which crushed loudly into the wooden floor. Ouch!! I jumped up. I’m fine. Yep…I’m fine. No problem here.
We started cleaning up the mess from the birthday party. All I could think is wow my arms hurt. Sure, I’ll hold the toddler while we clean up. Man, she feels heavy today. I can carry up the food from downstairs. Boy, this crock pot weighs a ton and I can’t even carry it out away from my body. I’ll go home and put some ice on my wrists. Ouch! It really hurts to turn the steering wheel. Home at last. Once that ice is on, it will feel better… Oh my goodness, I can’t even turn this doorknob!
This was my self-talk for basically 24 hours, until I realized I couldn’t hold a glass of water with out extreme pain. Finally, I gave in and call the nurse’s hotline, who promptly instructed me to go straight to the ER. After a visit to the orthopedic doctor a couple days later and realizing one of my elbows was broken, I continued planning for my trip to Indy, which was just days away. My instructions included no lifting of more than 5 pounds on the bad arm. I bought a couple little braces to support my forearms and got in the car for the 13-14 hour drive. Mental note to self: people over forty don’t need to be hover boarding.
While we were in Indiana we emptied cabinets and carried heavy stuff up from the basement all week long. I made sure to use my arm that wasn’t broken. The funny thing was as the week progressed that arm hurt worse than the one with the broken elbow. I’m just over working it….I’m sure that’s all. After we returned home I went in for my follow up appointment. As the doctor was showing me my x-rays of both broken elbows, I asked, “I thought only the right one was broken. That is what the P.A. told me last time. “Nope. They are both broken. Let me show you,” he replied. Say what?!
Have you ever put your faith in someone, something, some diagnosis, decree or proclamation, but ignored how you felt on the inside? Have you ever trusted what you could see with your eyes, but disbelieved how you felt on the inside? Have you ever looked to a family member, a friend or a professional, but disregarded how you felt on the inside? Have you ever been told you are crazy, you don’t know what you are talking about or it really doesn’t matter, so you doubted how you felt on the inside?
When I was carrying all of those heavy boxes up the stairs at my mom’s house, with my “good arm”, I knew something wasn’t right. My increased pain was a telltale sign, but I trusted the P.A.’s assessment over my own feelings of increased pain. Why do we do that?! Why do we give value to someone else’s evaluation, but ignore our own feelings?
Many times, we are instructed not to trust our feelings; that they will deceive us, but the Lord gave us feelings, inclinations, perceptions, sensitivities and insights for a reason. Whether it is pain from an injury or illness we cannot see on the outside, or a “bad feeling” about someone we just don’t want around our children, or an overwhelming feeling of compassion for a complete stranger, we need to listen to our feelings; that still small voice within our heart.
So how do we do that? First, we need to trust ourselves. If we feel a certain way, we need to follow up on that feeling. Even if we don’t immediately act upon it, we should pray about it, or consult with a trustworthy family member, mentor or friend. Second, we need to trust the Lord, who lives in us. Does what we feel line up with God’s Word? Do our feelings guide us toward goodness and love, or toward mercilessness and evil?
If you have a feeling you should call a friend. Do it. If you have a feeling you should help a homeless person. Do it. If you have a feeling you should speak up. Do it. If you have a feeling you should be quiet and listen. Do it. If you have a feeling you should speak less and hug more. Do it. If you have a feeling you should stop bullying. Do it. If you have a feeling you should send a card. Do it. If you have a feeling you should donate money. Do it. If you have a feeling you should get a second opinion. Do it. If you have a feeling you should protect your children from someone or something. Do it. If you have a feeling you should tell a friend your secret. Do it. If you have a feeling you should exercise, get more rest and make better food choices. Do it. If you have a feeling you should end an unhealthy relationship. Do it. If you have a feeling you should show mercy. Do it. If you have a feeling you should accept yourself for who you are. Do it. If you have a feeling you should forgive others. Do it. If you have a feeling you should love like Jesus. Do it.
We can trust ourselves, our Heavenly Father and the feelings, insights and intuition He has given us. Helen Keller reminds us, “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.”
Taking Back Happy 